Sunday, August 14, 2011

Waiting part 2

Last month I tried to be postive and think baby thoughts all month. I thought of pink bundles. I thought of the scent of baby powder. My mental mantra was, "baby, baby, baby...." It was still semi-half-hearted, because every day, I feel normal. No nausea. No light headedness. No nothing. At least not anything that can't be attributed to a normal bout of PMS. And while I would LOVE to have an easy, glowing pregnancy, I would relish one day of morning sickness. One day of giving me something to hope on.

Yesterday, I was just a smidge nauseaous. More like the flap of a butterfly's wing than actual nausea. It lasted hardly a second. I felt it again today. With a bit of light-headedness. But that could be hunger. Frankly if it wasn't for our "special project" I wouldn't think anything of it. I've got a week to go before I'll know anything. If you don't hear from me, I'm probably feeling majorly disappointed.

But on the off chance that this flutter could be something, I wanted to acknowlege it, and document it. (One of these day, I'll get back into writing in my diary.)


The husband said yes to extending our family. Now it is a waiting game. Every three weeks we play "Am I Pregnant?"

The first few unsucessful months were not too bad. After all, I've been having this monthly routine for practically 20 years (that's 240 months) of being blessed by mother nature. It's just normal. And I've heard that it can take awhile to get pregant. I wasn't expecting miracles right away.

But as the months pass by it gets more disappointing. May was a tough one. My period was due pretty much on Mother's day. What a perfect day to find out that we are expecting. That would make a great story in the baby book too. I was even spotting a little (unusual for me), and my friend swore that happened when she found out she was pregnant. So as much as I tried not to, I couldn't help but get my hopes up.

Alas, May was not our month. Neither was June, or July.

It's August now and I'm less than six months away from our self-imposed deadline. The husband (and his cohorts) claim that we had all the time in the world. No sense rushing things. Enjoy being young and unecumbered.

Meanwhile my clock is ticking like a time-bomb and 35 is right around the corner. (And did those guys even remember that it takes 9 months for things to develop?? Not to mention the "it's normal to take 6 months or a year after stopping birth control pills to become pregnant." That's a year and nine months and I was already 33 or pushing 33 at that time.

So I decided to get facts. The husband is very logical and I needed him to understand that time was NOT on our side. I went all over the internet scrounging up data on pregnacy after 35: Down Syndrome, miscarriage, SIDS... There is a dramatic increase in risk.

Well, it worked. Sort of. He finally agreed to participate in the extension of our family but now we have a deadline. And each bloody month brings us closer to it. My doctor is great but he says, "Relax, call me if you've been trying for a year with no luck." Thanks, doc, that'll be after our deadline. My new doc. has okay'd some tests to make sure that everything is in working. If it is, then we can "relax" and let nature do her thing.